Why dating is hard and how to keep positive during the singles rollercoaster

So you’re back in the dating game. All your couple friends marvel at the excitement of your dating life, “I wish “Tinder/ Bumble/ Grindr” was around when I was single”, they will say.

They’ll grab the popcorn and hang on every word from your successful and let’s be honest, even more so, less successful dates, finding the whole situation fun, exciting and hilarious.

“Hahahahaha what a laugh” you will say, before crying yourself to sleep every night wondering why you are such an unlovable mess who has become way more judgemental than you would care to admit.

Let’s be honest, as fun as dating might sound to loved up Karen who has 2 kids and hasn’t been single since 1990, truth is, it can be a dark world full of Self-obsessed Steves, Fuckboy Franks and “He’s definitely got bodies hidden in his basement” Harrys.

You start to question if perhaps you have missed the boat and should really have just settled for James. Sure, he lived at home with his mum, and was an unemployed “artist” who didn’t actually do any art and instead spent his days smoking weed with his cat, but perhaps he wasn’t that bad after all. I mean, he could make a really good sandwich.

Dating can slowly begin to destroy your soul, make you question your worth and leave you a shell of your former confident, fun-loving-self (*note – it can also make you slightly over-dramatic)

So how do you stay positive while dating and even possibly start to enjoy the roller-coaster of dating in 2020?

Here are our top 5 tips…

Talk to your friends about your dates

If a date turns out terrible it can be easy to re-play things over in your head and question what you did wrong. Talking to your friends, sharing the good, laughing about the bad and getting perspective will ALWAYS make things seem 100% better than what you were concocting in your head.

Try not to take rejection personally

Chances are if you are dating/ using dating apps you will likely be rejected probably more often than not. It sucks. No one like to be rejected and it’s hard not to take things personally but remember, chances are it’s probably not even about you.

It takes more than a handful of dates to actually get to know someone so if you don’t get asked out on a second date that’s OK because there’s no way they really knew you. Everyone has their own stuff going on and it’s likely that has more to do with things than you personally. And at the end of the day, you might not be what another person is looking for and that’s OK.

Be kind to others

Similarly, to the above, and like everything in life, everyone has their own stuff going on. You might have no idea that the guy you are chatting to on bumble has just lost his Dad, or that the guy you went on a date with is still coming to terms with a recent, really hard break up.

Dating and life can be hard enough, without making it harder for anyone else than it needs to be. If you need one rule in dating, let it be this one. Be Kind.

Ghosting, being rude or making someone feel insignificant (as a general rule) are completely unnecessary. If you are not interested in someone simply be courteous, send them a text and tell them. Treat others how you would like to be treated.

Learn to be alone

Sometimes, when you start dating it can feel like you are constantly chasing dates/ a relationship/ casual fling or anything to avoid being alone.

Learning to be alone and embracing it might just be the most powerful tool you will ever learn in life. Work on being your own source of validation, without relying on friends/ partners or dates to give it to you.

Go home and hug your dog

At the end of the day when it all feels too hard, go home and hug your dog. (or find a friend’s dog you can hug)

They will instantly remind you of the amazing, loveable human being you are and provide unlimited smiles and tail wags, pointing out that life’s not really so bad after all.

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